Small Group Leader Self-Care

This post provides practical advice for faithfully managing the responsibilities of small group leadership while protecting yourself from burnout, temptations, personal attacks, & other potential hazards of the ministry.

1. Be Available, but Draw Appropriate Boundaries
Be available to your small group participants, but lovingly draw boundaries when necessary. Sometimes you should say "no." If a group participant is doing or saying things that are pressuring you or subtly ‘guilting’ you then gently ask them to stop. You need to be generous with your time, but this doesn’t warrant the deterioration of your personal life. Self-care is obedience to God. He wants you to be whole just as much as He does others.

For example, if your group participants phone you at inappropriate times then kindly tell them not to call during that time again, unless it is an emergency. Suggest other times or ways (email or on another phone line) they can contact you that are better for you; if you know of times that would not be good for you and your family, let your small group know of them from the outset.

2. Set Time Limits on Connections
It is also okay to set time limits on phone conversations or one-on-one meetings you have with group participants; just let them know at the outset of your meeting that you have up until a certain time that you’re able to meet with them. Sometimes I’ll soften this by asking the person when they need to head out. Usually, the other party reciprocates and asks me when I need to leave allowing me to nicely determine the meeting length. Your schedule should not be determined by others (nor should your schedule ultimately determine what you do!)

3. Do Not Get in the Middle of Certain Relational Difficulties
If someone comes to you with a complaint about another, find out right away if they’ve spoken with the other person first (Matthew 18:15). If they have not, tell them to share the problem with the person they’re having difficulties with. If the first condition has been met, do not entertain an accusation made about another individual unless it is brought to you by at least one other, independent source (Matthew 18:16; 2 Corinthians 13:1b). Again, always make it your first course of action to direct them back to the person they have a concern with. Furthermore, if you’re aware people are griping about the group, individuals within the group, or your leadership – go to the root. If you’re not able to identify the source, discuss it with the whole group. At times it might be prudent to have your coach present for support. Use the power of the whole small group and prayer to cut short the divisive tactics of the enemy.

4. Avoid Meeting One-On-One With the Opposite Sex
Avoid meeting one-on-one with a group participant of the opposite sex. It’s not about being religious or legalistic. It’s about being care-full. It is vital that every leader avoids every appearance of evil for their sake and for the sake of others (Romans 15:2; 1 Corinthians 10:24, 32-33; 1 Thessalonians 5:22). Wisdom is not putting yourself in a situation where you could stumble (1 Cor. 6:18; 2 Tim 2:22). For this reason you are advised to use the following guidelines to help you avoid the development of potentially destructive relational dynamics:

If you are married and someone of the opposite sex wants to meet with you, communicate that you will be bringing your spouse along (or suggest that your spouse meet with them one-on-one). There should be nothing that person wants to tell you or talk with you about that your spouse could not hear. If others are around and you are in a room, leave the door open, even if they want to talk "privately." If others are not around then insist on going to a place where there are other people.

If you are single, communicate that you will be bringing your co-leader, host, or another trustworthy group participant (male or female) along with you. If this is not possible, schedule the meeting for a public place and discern whether it would also be good to let someone in leadership know (preferably your co-leader or coach).

5. Don't Try to Do Everything Yourself
Lean on your co-leader and empower others in your small group to help carry the responsibilities that comes with leading a small group.

6. Don’t Try to Please Everyone
Every person has their personal preferences. Trying to meet every person's desires is futile and personally destructive. If there happens to be one or two people in the group who are unhappy with your leadership or the group, inform your coach and then go to them directly. If you’re still not on the same page after talking it out this might be a sign these persons should exit the group.

Keep your coach informed. Your concern is for the whole small group. If there is an unhappy person who is souring the experience for several others, at some point a condition needs to be set for their continued participation: “If you can’t find a way to support my leadership or our group’s direction then it would be good for the small group and for you personally to find another way to fellowship with others in our church. My coach would be happy to help you find another group that might be a better fit for you and more of an encouragement in your spiritual growth.”

7. Seek Support from Your Coach
Whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed or discouraged, contact your coach. Your coach is there to provide encouraging support and prayer. There may be other times when your coach will need to mediate or help you ‘lift the load’ of certain responsibilities for a season.

8. Replenish Yourself Regularly
Take refuge in Jesus. When you feel like your energy level is beginning to wane, let your co-leader or a friend in your small group know. If you have a history with your group and you’ve already met a few seasons, you might even let your whole group know. Invite them to pray for you and carry responsibilities that have begun to prove taxing to you. Don't make the small group "your ministry." Ministry should be mutual and happening among all group participants. If it isn't, instigate change! Get away at times, and find rest.

Remember: You’re serving God on behalf of the small group (not the other way around).

9. Pray for Your Personal Needs and the Needs of Your Family
Ask a few people to pray for you and your family regularly. Make a point to give them an update and share specific things to pray about at the beginning, middle, and end of your group experience. You and your group are a target for the enemy and prayer coverage is an absolute must.

10. Regularly Feed Yourself with God's Word
Contend for a daily devotional life. Not only will this secure your healthy growth, but it will ensure the healthy development of biblical community in your group (Psalm 119:105). A small group's life will likely only go as deep of the life of its leader. If you do not already have an ongoing devotional life, start small and develop it incrementally.

Here’s an interesting fact: Sheep feed on dew that collects on grass very early in the morning. The water these creatures slurp up at dawn satisfies them through the whole sun-scorching day (Psalm 5:3). Give God the first fruits of your time, and find your strength in Him (Psalm 119:114, 147).

You might begin with the following light routine: Read one chapter or psalm, then pray for 3-5 minutes. After a week or two, read two chapters or psalms and then pray for 5-7 minutes, etc. Soon your devotional life will become habitual, and starting your day without one will seem unnatural. God wants to grow you through your experience as a small group leader...not use you up, and leave you on empty.